Wait...THIS guy strayed?!?!!

I hope I don't offend any blind readers.

Oh wait...nevermind.

But seriously...WTF?! What chance does the rest of our visually gifted male population have when a blind dude is getting poons outside of his marriage?! I mean, he's BLIND for god's sake!

For those who don't know, David Patterson is New York State's newly appointed governor-by-default (and if you don't know what happened to the first guy, kindly go back to that rock you live under). On Monday, with wife in tow, he held a press conference to publicly admit that he has had a number of extramarital affairs in years past. This was, I suppose, in order to keep any career-annihilating dirt from creeping up on him later on down the road. If wife Michelle didn't seem quite as angry (or suicidal) as Spitzer's wife Silda, it's because apparently she's done her fair share of dirt as well. Oh yes, folks...seems she's been quite generous with the poons herself over the years. Now two wrongs don't make a right, but they sure as hell make things even! And isn't that what marriage is all about anyway...the 50/50? I'd say so, and I'm guessing they would too.

Now their marital woes is nobody's business but their own, and I respect that.

I'm not judging. Really I'm not.

But it does beg the question: how in the HELL does a blind dude get so much extramarital poons?! Like, really?! As a proprietor of testosterone, I can tell you that my primal urges to rub crotches with the opposite sex come primarily from looking at a chick and thinking, "wow, that top really brings out her eyes knockers!" Or "holy shit, if that dress were any shorter, it'd be a bra!" A few other thoughts might roll through my mind, but you get the picture. Point being, when it comes to lusting after women, sight is of the utmost importance.

I've thought, as I'm sure most people have, about what it'd be like to be blind. More specifically, how much it would suck sacks. And usually, the regular stuff comes to mind. You know...can't see the sun shining, can't see the blue skies, yadda yadda yadda. But for some reason, I never stopped to think, until now, how I'd never enjoy the simple pleasure of watching an exceptional piece of ass badonkadonking down the street, or have that feeling of your shitty day just blow away in that breeze that just lifted some hot girls skirt. That's priceless stuff right there! Call me a perv if you want (women!), but it really is something that only those of us plagued (read: blessed) with the effects of testosterone can understand.

So seeing as how, along with the sun, moon, and stars, hot women are a gift from the heavens only to be enjoyed by those blessed with sight, it goes to figure that, if you're blind, then you're chances of being tempted by a woman's looks awesome rack should be slim to none. I mean, you can only "see" with your hands, right? And it's not like you can go around grabbing random boobage, lest you get slapped with a serious harassment suit (not to mention literally getting slapped!). So how is it that this guy Patterson couldn't keep from bangin' chicks that weren't his wife?! I just don't see it. Unless he and said woman are having a convo about ideas on allocating state funds, when all of a sudden..."Whoa, she put my hand on her boob! Score!"...I don't see where the temptation kicks in.

Maybe I'm being too superficial. Perhaps looks don't matter to him. Not because he's above that sorta thing, but because...well...you know. But then somebody tell me how Bill Clinton, with his 20/20 vision, was only able to pull these chicks:



And the blind dude bagged this broad:



I mean, she ain't no pageant winner or anything, but for being one birthday short of 50, and looking no older than 30, she runs circles around Monica and Paula.

My answer? Dude's a pimp! (Pronounced: PEE-ump).

At any rate, I don't know how the rest of us are supposed to ignore the temptation of forbidden fruits when even dudes that can't see the tree are pickin' apples left and right. I mean, I've never cheated on a girl before ('cause I'm perfect like that), but I certainly look, because, well, I have eyes dammit!

That's what I always tell my girl.

I'ma have to find a new argument.